This mock draft has been updated for your mockery.
- Kansas City Chiefs - Luke Joeckel, OT (TAMU) - So they traded for Alex Smith... While I don't believe that he's any better than the incumbent Matt Cassel, Joeckel might actually give Alex Smith some more time to stand in the pocket... and eventually get sacked or throw the ball in the dirt.
- Arizona Cardinals (trade w/JAX) - Geno Smith, QB (WVU) - Four names that Larry Fitzgerald has nightmares about. Kolb, Skelton, Lindley, Drew Stanton.
- Oakland Raiders - Dion Jordan, DE (Oregon) - RIP Al Davis, but I'm confident that the Raiders won't let me down here and will take a guy who had great measurables at the combine.
- Philadelphia Eagles (trade from JAX) - Eric Fisher, OT (WMU) - If the Eagles draft any player besides an OL, I'll be shocked and appalled... And consequently, I would expect Chip Kelly to be gone within two years.
- Detroit Lions - Dee Milliner, CB (Bama) - I watched the Detroit Lions lose more games by giving up huge 3rd down passing conversions. Spivey will hopefully return from IR to shore up the safety position.
- Cleveland Browns - Cordarelle Patterson, WR (UT) - With Paul Kruger signed at the OLB spot and the team focusing on FA defensive backs, they need to fill the gaping hole on offense called Wide Receiver.
- Jacksonville Jags (trade w/AZ) - Jarvis Jones, LB (UGA) - QUICK! Name one outside linebacker on the Jaguars' roster. Couldn't do it huh? They need a huge upgrade at LB and could easily trade further down and still make this pick.
- Buffalo Bills - Matt Barkley QB (USC) - This draft pick is one of need. He's going to be another USC-alumni QB bust in the NFL. Geno is gone and the Bills are terribly desperate; terrible and desperate.
- NY Jets - Keenan Allen, WR (CAL) - Sanchez has no one to throw the ball to. Here's a guy in the mold of TO who can get it done.
- Tennessee Titans - Shariff Floyd, DT (UF) - He's the best player available and fits the Titans 4-3 scheme.
- San Diego Chargers - Lane Johnson, OT (OU) - Red rover, red rover, send a friggin' offensive lineman right over. As a fantasy owner of Phillip Rivers, I watched #17 running for his life and throwing off his ass every weekend.
- Miami Dolphins - Xavier Rhodes, DB (FSU) - With Mike Wallace signed and Hartline extended, I expect the Fins to address a Swiss-cheese like secondary.
- Tampa Bay Bucs - Bjoern Werner, DE (FSU) - I have no idea who any of the TB defensive ends are, so I know they can't be very good. Bucs will need to address secondary in the next couple rounds. The Bucs personnel coordinator should follow up a solid 2012 draft with an equally solid 2013 draft.
- Carolina Panthers - Barkevious Mingo, LB (LSU) - First of all, this guy sounds like he came off Key & Peele's All-Star game roster. Second of all, putting Mingo next to Kuechly is reminiscent of the Panthers' glory days with Dan Morgan and Will Witherspoon.
- New Orleans Saints - Johnathan Hankins, DT (OSU) - This is more or less a homer pick, but I think the Saints like defensive players from Ohio State (see: Malcolm Jenkins & Will Smith).
- St. Louis Rams - Star Lotulelei, DT (Utah) - Maybe a reach? If the Rams come to terms with Jake Long (scUM), I think it makes sense that they address the defense..
- Pittsburgh Steelers - Johnathan Banks, DB (MissSt) - Steelers could take another offensive lineman or a linebacker here, but my guess is they'll try to clean up some of the mess in the back four first..
- Dallas Cowboys - Chance Warmack, OG (Bama) - O-line or linebacker. I'm pretty sure this guy will be the next best player available. Jerry Jones might do (and will do) something stupid so I won't be surprised if he drafts Collin Klein.
- NY Giants - Manti T'eo, ILB (ND) - I hear the Giants need a new linebacker.... Defense looked like a shell of itself in 2012. I wonder how many catfish live in NYC?
- Chicago Bears - Johnathan Cooper, OG (UNC) - see SD Chargers above. Jay Cutler needs someone to protect him from Suh.
- Baltimore Ravens (trade from STL) - Eric Reid, SS (LSU) - We all know how important Ed Reed is to the Baltimore defense... Sounds too easy to just bring in another Reid, right?
- Minnesota Vikings - Desmond Trufant, DB (Wash) - Another Swiss-cheese secondary. Vikes are making moves in the FA market, but that also included releasing cornerstone (pun intended) Antoine Winfield.
- Cincinnati Bengals - Kenny Vaccaro, S (Texas) - 1st round is too high to draft a RB or any of the remaining OTs... maybe they can trade down and reach for one late.
- Indianapolis Colts - Datone Jones, DE (UCLA) - Lots of holes on the defensive side of the ball... Can Jones be the next Dwight Freeney?
- Seattle Seahawks - Sheldon Richardson, DT (Mizzou) - He goes here due to a major oversight on my part.. and the Seahawks DEF gets even better.
- St. Louis Rams (trade from BAL)- Alec Olgetree, LB (UGA) - This is the Rams 2nd pick in the first round... Olgetree would be a nice addition to go with Little Animal.
- Green Bay Packers - Barrett Jones, C (Bama) - It's time for Jeff Saturday to retire. Bye bye.
- SF 49ers - Matt Elam, FS (UF) - because the rich get richer. It's what happens. Not sure what other pieces the 49ers really need... and they have a TON of picks.
- Houston Texans - Jonathan Cooper, OG (UNC) - I watched Arian Foster run great on one side of the ball and crappy on the other.. That only means one thing...
- NE Patriots - Robert Woods, WR (USC) - Bill B. is a draft day enigma or a 100-sided die... I'm going to say WR for fun.
- Denver Broncos - Kawaan Short, DT (Purdue) - I know Elvis Dumervil and Von Miller.... and that's about it.
- Atlanta Falcons - Kevin Minter, LB (LSU) - Akeem Dent plays MLB now and had 42 solo tackles on the year. That's pretty pathetic...
Dart throwing predictions...
Offensive Rook of the Year: Geno Smith
Defensive Rook of the Year: Barkevious Mingo