Wayyyyy Too Early 2018 NFL Mock Draft

My mock draft from the previous two years never made it past the "draft" (get it?). I'm going to write this and publish it immediately.. Obviously it's way too early and I'm reaching for underclassmen who haven't declared. But it's fun to poke fun at Kiper and McShay... who each year underwhelm the masses when it comes to their hideously incorrect mock drafts.

UPDATED on 4/10/2018 with updated draft order.

1. Cleveland Clowns - first things first, this team needs to be re-branded as the Clowns with a logo to match. The Clown would not only be frightening to all involved, but would accurately depict the organization and ownership. . The pick: Sam Darnold (QB - USC). You know they're going to pick the wrong QB, right? 
2. NY Giants - Josh Rosen (QB - UCLA) - if I were head of personnel for the Giants, I would take the best O-Line available and build the team that way, but after the way Eli has been exiled, they have to part ways after this season and a QB is a must-get.
3. NY Jets - Baker Mayfield (QB - Oklahoma) - they trade up and get the guy that they ultimately want. The last QB to walk into the locker room with this much swag was a product of being the QB of an all-star team at USC and part of an extremely very weak QB class: Mark "Butt Fumble" Sanchez.
4. Cleveland Clowns - Back for more. They'll probably trade down to get Quentin Nelson (OG - ND) instead of drafting Saquon Barkley (RB - PSU).
5. Denver Broncos - This is a BPA spot... and my clearcut BPA is Bradley Chubb (DE - NCSt)
6. Indianapolis Colts - apparently they've found their QB of the future in Jacoby Brissett (bravo, Indy), so hopefully they'll address the glaring need on the O-Line and back-7. Quentin Nelson (G - Notre Dame). 
7. Tampa Bay Bucs - The TJ Ward experiment has failed miserably this season. Minkah Fitzpatrick (DB - Alabama).
8. Chicago Bears - this kid Combined his way into the Top 10: Tremaine Edwards (DE/OLB - VT)
9. SF 49ers - needs, needs, everywhere... The offense is starting to grow into something that could be special in a couple years, but the defense could use a little more TLC, especially on the outside. Denzel Ward (CB - Ohio State).
10. Oakland Raiders - Even with the return of a healthy Gareon Conley, the DBs are still four slices of Swiss cheese: Derwin James (DB - FSU). 
11. Miami Dolphins - the 'Fins have zero depth at linebacker and it wouldn't shock me to see them trade with Oakland to get their guy: Roquan Smith (LB - Georgia)
12. Buffalo Bills - something tells me that this is going to happen and he's still going to be here: Josh Allen (QB - WYO).
13. Washington Redskins - this team always feels like it's a few solid pieces away from being consistently good. They signed well during the off-season (including Alex Smith and Orlando Scandrick). The only glaring need is on the line(s): Vita Vea (DT - Washington)
14. Green Bay Packers - my ex-coworker is always mad about how porous his favorite team's defense is: Joshua Jackson (CB - Iowa)
15. Arizona Cardinals - David Johnson returns in 2018 to find a new tank to run behind... Mike McGlinchey (OT - Notre Dame)
16. Baltimore Ravens - The Ravens always seem to find some tremendous draft value (see: Ronnie Stanley). Alex Collins is fine, but everyone has seen what last year's crop of RBs has done in The League this year: Derrius Guice (RB - LSU)
17. Seattle Seahawks - is Russell Wilson getting a vote? If so, it's definitely an O-Line pick: Kolton Miller (UCLA - OT)
18. LA Chargers - the couple times I've watched this team play, they look pretty complete. I say they take the best player available and figure out other needs later: Maurice Hurst (DT - Michigan)
19. Dallas Cowboys - has anyone seen Dallas' defense lately? This one is easy: Mike Hughes (DB - UCF)
20. Detroit Lions - I'm torn between a guy like Marcus Davenport (pass-rushing phenom) and Rashaan Evans (MLB-freak). I'll go with Davenport (DL - UTSA). 
21. Cincinnati Bungals - the other Ohio team needs re-branded as well. Will the Brown-family ever fire Lewis... The O-Line is an embarrassing mess. Will Hernandez (OG - UTEP).
22. Buffalo Bills - I feel like this is the right place to insert this guy who will potentially form a solid duo in the long-term with Zay Jones for this franchise: Calvin Ridley (WR - Alabama)
23. New England Patriots - O-Line or DB. It's not BB's style to grab a DB in the 1st Round, so I'll vote for an OL guy: Connor Williams (OT - Texas). 
24. Carolina Panthers - I'm sure he won't fall this far, but hey, luck of the draft, er, draw. Christian Kirk (WR - Texas A&M)
25. Tennessee Titans - Tough to play a 3-4 when you're lacking LBs: Arden Key (OLB - LSU)
26. Atlanta Falcons - the only image I associate with the Falcons is a safety getting mean-mugged by Julian Edelman in the Super Bowl: Ronnie Harrison (S - Alabama)
27. New Orleans Saints - LB seems to be the weakest spot on this team... Harold Landry (LB - Boston College)
28. Pittsburgh Steelers - This sounds crazy, but it doesn't. Lamar Jackson (QB - Louisville). 
29. Jacksonville Jags - Jags at 29?! This has to be the twilight zone... Leighton Vander Esch (LB - Boise St)
30. Minnesota Vikings - The last Buckeye they drafted seems to be working out pretty well: Billy Price (OT - Ohio State)
31. New England Patriots - I'd personally prefer that this guy get drafted by another team, but it would fill a need and it meshes well with Coach BB's "swiss army knife" philosophy on defense. And in classic NE-style, they'll trade down and still get this guy: Sam Hubbard (DE/OLB - Ohio State). 
32. Philadelphia Eagles - I could pick anyone here and I'd be wrong: Taven Bryan (DT - Florida)

Recipe of the Day (RotD) - Bacon Wrapped Shrimp

More from the Kitchen Daily site. This looks too good to be true. Hello heart attack!

INGREDIENTS

SHRIMP

½ cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for brushing2 tsp finely grated lemon zest¼ cup fresh lemon juice6 garlic cloves, thinly sliced6 small jarred or dried Calabrian chiles, minced20 jumbo shrimp, shelled with tails intact10 slices of bacon, cut in half crosswise

DIRECTIONS

1. Prepare the shrimp in a large baking dish, whisk the 1/2 cup of oil with the lemon zest, lemon juice, garlic and chiles. Wrap each shrimp with a piece of bacon and add to the marinade. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour; turn the shrimp halfway through marinating.
2. Light a grill or preheat a grill pan; brush with oil. Season the shrimp lightly with salt and pepper. Grill over high heat, turning once, until the bacon is browned and the shrimp is just cooked through, 4 to 6 minutes. Transfer the shrimp to a platter and serve with the cocktail sauce and lemon wedges.

e-roc's twist: since I have no idea what Calabrian chiles are, I would recommend using red chili pepper flakes. If you have a sweet-tooth, I would imagine that a melted brown sugar + butter + ketchup + Worcestershire dipping sauce would be a nice compliment. Bon appetit!

Recipe of the Day (RotD) - Buffalo Cauliflower Bites

I saw this on The Kitchen (one of my new favorite shows on the Food Network - great cast, great food, fun way to spend an hour), and I modified it for simplicity and healthiness.. I did a Google search and found this recipe which is the closest version I could find to what I did.

(props to SkinnyTaste.com for the picture and the recipe... lots of delicious, healthy recipes throughout the site)...

Spicy Buffalo Cauliflower Bites
Servings: 6 • Size: about 1 cup cauliflower • Old Points: 2 pts • Points+: 3 pts
Calories: 119.4 • Fat: 2 g • Protein: 4 g • Carb: 21.4 g • Fiber: 3 g • Sugar: 0.2 g
Sodium: 1172 mg

Ingredients:

• 1 cup water
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• 22 oz (6 1/2 cups) cauliflower florets
• 3/4 cup Franks Hot Sauce
• 1 tbsp melted unsalted butter

Directions:

• Preheat the oven to 450°F. Lightly spray a large non-stick baking sheet with oil.
• Combine the water, flour, and garlic powder in a bowl and stir until well combined.
• Coat the cauliflower pieces with the flour mixture and place on the baking sheet; bake for 20 minutes.
• While the cauliflower is baking, combine the hot sauce and butter in a small bowl.
• Pour the hot sauce mixture over the baked cauliflower and continue baking for an additional 5 minutes.

e-roc's twist: I didn't use flour or butter in my version and the hot sauce sticks just fine. I will probably add unsalted butter the next go-round. If you're making this as a dinner appetizer, Skinnytaste recommends a side of celery and dressing, which sounds quite delicious. Also, if you can't find cauliflower florets in your grocery store, chopping up a head of cauliflower the old fashioned way isn't the end of the world. I'm always looking for a good reason to pull out the butcher knife... Bon appetit!

Recipe of the Day (RotD) - Steamed Mussels

I've only ever tried to make mussels once and haven't done it more frequently primarily because of the lack of really great fresh seafood in central Ohio.. It's also a lot of work to debeard these damn things...

Serve over pasta for extra nom nom nom nom... 

• 2 lb live mussels
• 1 Tbsp unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup white wine
• 1 chopped shallot
• 2 cloves chopped garlic

Preparation:

Scrub and debeard the mussels. The "beard" is the fibrous hairy thing hanging from one side of the tasty bivalve. Pull it off with a side-to-side motion.

In case you are wondering, a mussel is alive if it reacts. Its shell should be closed. If it is open, sit the mussel on the kitchen counter for a bit. It may close when you are not looking.

Heat the butter over medium-high heat in a large, wide-bottomed pot with a lid; I use a Dutch oven. Saute the shallot until it is soft but not browned. Add the garlic and the white wine (I'd suggest a chenin blanc or something crisp, but you can use any decent white), and bring it to a boil. Add the mussels in one layer if possible.

Cover the pot and let the mussels steam for 3-8 minutes. After three minutes, check the mussels; many should be open. You want them all open, but some will do this faster than others.

Turn off the heat and cover for a minute while you prepare bowls and plates.

Spoon out plenty of mussels and broth, which should be briny enough to not need any more salt. Throw out any mussels that did not open.

Serve with crusty bread, more white wine -- and an extra bowl for the shells.

e-roc's twist: for the lazier chef, grab a small bottle of pre-chopped garlic in olive oil, it'll save you a lot of time and money (unused garlic goes to waste quickly)... Also, always cook with wine that you would drink. Other things you can add to this recipe include: shrimp, scallops, and diced tomatoes...Bon appetit!

Recipe of the Day (RotD) - White Chicken Chili

For the 2nd day in a row, the RotD...

Today's recipe of the day (from Foodnetwork.com):

Ingredients: (Serves 8)

• 1 1/4 lbs boneless skinless chicken
• 2 (15 ounce) cans great northern beans
• 1 (15 ounce) can white corn
• 1 (1 1/4 ounce) envelope taco seasoning
• 1 (4 1/2 ounce) can of chopped green chilies
• 1 (10 3/4 ounce) can condensed cream of chicken soup
• 1 (14 ounce) can chicken broth

Directions:

1. Place chicken in a 4 quart slow cooker.
2. Top with beans and corn.
3. In a medium bowl, combine taco seasoning, chiles, condensed soup, and chicken broth. Pour over top of ingredients in the crock pot.
4. Cover and cook on low for 8 to 10 hours.
5. Before serving, stir gently to break up chicken, then stir in the sour cream.

e-roc's twist: Instead of using an envelope of taco seasoning, I usually make my own taco mix (less salt, more heat).  I add in a 4 1/2oz can of chopped jalapeno's for heat and use frozen corn instead of canned corn and I'm always heavy with the amount of corn I use. Perfect sides for this chili include: Fritos scoops and cornbread. Bon appetit!

Recipe of the Day (RotD)

I'm a foodie with distant unattainable cooking aspirations. I love watching the Food Network and Top Chef. The food they prepare is amazing to me.  The best I can do at the moment and be an above average home chef who knows how to make good scrambled eggs, pan seared salmon, and chicken & chorizo paella.

It hit me this morning that I should start to post/share a Recipe of the Day, if for at a minimum, my own benefit. Hopefully this will still be something I do in January 2015...

Today's recipe of the day (from KitchenDaily.com):

INGREDIENTSvegetable cooking spray4 cup cooked cut green beans1 can (10 3/4 ounces each) Campbell's® Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free)½ cup milk1 can (2.8 ounces) French's® French Fried Onions (about 1 1/3 cups)1 ½ cup shredded cheddar cheese32 oz refrigerated jumbo buttermilk biscuits (16 biscuits, or 2 packages)DIRECTIONS

• Heat the oven to 375°F.  Spray 16 (2 1/2-inch) muffin-pan cups with the cooking spray.  Stir the green beans, soup, milk, 1 cup cheese and 2/3 cup onions in a large bowl.
• Roll each biscuit into a 4-inch circle.  Press the biscuit circles into the bottoms and up the sides of the muffin-pan cups.  Divide the green bean mixture among the biscuit cups.
• Bake for 20 minutes or until the biscuit cups are golden brown.  Stir the remaining cheese and onions in a small bowl.  Sprinkle over the green bean mixture.
• Bake for 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted.  Let the minis cool in the pans on wire racks for 5 minutes.

e-roc's twist: I would swap out the buttermilk biscuits for cornbread mix. Cornbread mix is very tacky and the casserole mixture should hold inside the cornbread without getting too messy. Don't forget the cooking spray. I would also skip the cheddar cheese. I don't put cheese on my large green bean casseroles, so I can't imagine wanting them on the mini version. 

2013 Mock Draft (updated 3/15)

This mock draft has been updated for your mockery.

1. Kansas City Chiefs - Luke Joeckel, OT (TAMU) - So they traded for Alex Smith... While I don't believe that he's any better than the incumbent Matt Cassel, Joeckel might actually give Alex Smith some more time to stand in the pocket... and eventually get sacked or throw the ball in the dirt.
2. Arizona Cardinals (trade w/JAX) - Geno Smith, QB (WVU) -  Four names that Larry Fitzgerald has nightmares about. Kolb, Skelton, Lindley, Drew Stanton. 
3. Oakland Raiders - Dion Jordan, DE  (Oregon) - RIP Al Davis, but I'm confident that the Raiders won't let me down here and will take a guy who had great measurables at the combine. 
4. Philadelphia Eagles (trade from JAX) - Eric Fisher, OT (WMU) - If the Eagles draft any player besides an OL, I'll be shocked and appalled... And consequently, I would expect Chip Kelly to be gone within two years.
5. Detroit Lions - Dee Milliner, CB (Bama) - I watched the Detroit Lions lose more games by giving up huge 3rd down passing conversions. Spivey will hopefully return from IR to shore up the safety position. 
6. Cleveland Browns - Cordarelle Patterson, WR (UT) - With Paul Kruger signed at the OLB spot and the team focusing on FA defensive backs, they need to fill the gaping hole on offense called Wide Receiver. 
7. Jacksonville Jags (trade w/AZ) - Jarvis Jones, LB (UGA) - QUICK! Name one outside linebacker on the Jaguars' roster. Couldn't do it huh? They need a huge upgrade at LB and could easily trade further down and still make this pick. 
8. Buffalo Bills - Matt Barkley QB (USC) - This draft pick is one of need. He's going to be another USC-alumni QB bust in the NFL. Geno is gone and the Bills are terribly desperate; terrible and desperate.
9. NY Jets - Keenan Allen, WR (CAL) - Sanchez has no one to throw the ball to. Here's a guy in the mold of TO who can get it done. 
10. Tennessee Titans - Shariff Floyd, DT (UF) - He's the best player available and fits the Titans 4-3 scheme.
11. San Diego Chargers - Lane Johnson, OT (OU) - Red rover, red rover, send a friggin' offensive lineman right over. As a fantasy owner of Phillip Rivers, I watched #17 running for his life and throwing off his ass every weekend.
12. Miami Dolphins - Xavier Rhodes, DB (FSU) - With Mike Wallace signed and Hartline extended, I expect the Fins to address a Swiss-cheese like secondary.
13. Tampa Bay Bucs - Bjoern Werner, DE (FSU) - I have no idea who any of the TB defensive ends are, so I know they can't be very good. Bucs will need to address secondary in the next couple rounds. The Bucs personnel coordinator should follow up a solid 2012 draft with an equally solid 2013 draft.
14. Carolina Panthers - Barkevious Mingo, LB (LSU) - First of all, this guy sounds like he came off Key & Peele's All-Star game roster. Second of all, putting Mingo next to Kuechly is reminiscent of the Panthers' glory days with Dan Morgan and Will Witherspoon. 
15. New Orleans Saints - Johnathan Hankins, DT (OSU) - This is more or less a homer pick, but I think the Saints like defensive players from Ohio State (see: Malcolm Jenkins & Will Smith). 
16. St. Louis Rams - Star Lotulelei, DT (Utah) - Maybe a reach? If the Rams come to terms with Jake Long (scUM), I think it makes sense that they address the defense..
17. Pittsburgh Steelers - Johnathan Banks, DB (MissSt) - Steelers could take another offensive lineman or a linebacker here, but my guess is they'll try to clean up some of the mess in the back four first..
18. Dallas Cowboys - Chance Warmack, OG (Bama) - O-line or linebacker. I'm pretty sure this guy will be the next best player available. Jerry Jones might do (and will do) something stupid so I won't be surprised if he drafts Collin Klein.
19. NY Giants - Manti T'eo, ILB (ND) - I hear the Giants need a new linebacker.... Defense looked like a shell of itself in 2012. I wonder how many catfish live in NYC?
20. Chicago Bears - Johnathan Cooper, OG (UNC) - see SD Chargers above. Jay Cutler needs someone to protect him from Suh.
21. Baltimore Ravens (trade from STL) - Eric Reid, SS (LSU) - We all know how important Ed Reed is to the Baltimore defense... Sounds too easy to just bring in another Reid, right?
22. Minnesota Vikings - Desmond Trufant, DB (Wash) - Another Swiss-cheese secondary. Vikes are making moves in the FA market, but that also included releasing cornerstone (pun intended) Antoine Winfield.
23. Cincinnati Bengals - Kenny Vaccaro, S (Texas) - 1st round is too high to draft a RB or any of the remaining OTs... maybe they can trade down and reach for one late. 
24. Indianapolis Colts - Datone Jones, DE (UCLA) - Lots of holes on the defensive side of the ball... Can Jones be the next Dwight Freeney?
25. Seattle Seahawks - Sheldon Richardson, DT (Mizzou) - He goes here due to a major oversight on my part.. and the Seahawks DEF gets even better.
26. St. Louis Rams (trade from BAL)- Alec Olgetree, LB (UGA) - This is the Rams 2nd pick in the first round... Olgetree would be a nice addition to go with Little Animal. 
27. Green Bay Packers - Barrett Jones, C (Bama) - It's time for Jeff Saturday to retire. Bye bye.
28. SF 49ers - Matt Elam, FS (UF) - because the rich get richer. It's what happens. Not sure what other pieces the 49ers really need... and they have a TON of picks.
29. Houston Texans - Jonathan Cooper, OG (UNC) - I watched Arian Foster run great on one side of the ball and crappy on the other.. That only means one thing... 
30. NE Patriots - Robert Woods, WR (USC) - Bill B. is a draft day enigma or a 100-sided die... I'm going to say WR for fun. 
31. Denver Broncos - Kawaan Short, DT (Purdue) - I know Elvis Dumervil and Von Miller.... and that's about it.
32. Atlanta Falcons - Kevin Minter, LB (LSU) - Akeem Dent plays MLB now and had 42 solo tackles on the year. That's pretty pathetic...

Dart throwing predictions...

Offensive Rook of the Year: Geno Smith

Defensive Rook of the Year: Barkevious Mingo

2013 NFL Mock (me) Draft

Keeping up with tradition, I've decided to take a wild swing at the upcoming (April) 2013 NFL draft. Mock me, please.

1. Kansas City Chiefs - Geno Smith, QB (WVU) - If the Chiefs draft anything but a QB (unless they pick up someone via FA), we might as well go ahead and slot them here for the 2014 draft as well. Obviously Matt Cassell and Brady Quinn can't get the job done. Helen Keller could make this pick. 
2. Philadelphia Eagles (trade from JAX) - Luke Joeckel, OT (TAMU) - The greatest position of need (by far) and the Eagles can't afford to miss out on him. Other mock drafts indicate a good amount of draft depth at this position, but franchise LTs don't come along every year. 
3. Oakland Raiders - Bjoern Werner, DE  (FSU) - RIP Al Davis, but I'm confident that the Raiders won't let me down here and will take a guy who should have great measurables at the combine. He's the next JJ Watt. 
4. Jacksonville Jags (trade from PHI) - Jarvis Jones, LB (UGA) - QUICK! Name one outside linebacker on the Jaguars' roster. Couldn't do it huh? They need a huge upgrade at LB and could easily trade down and still make this pick. 
5. Detroit Lions - Dee Milliner, CB (Bama) - I watched the Detroit Lions lose more games by giving up huge 3rd down passing conversions. Spivey will hopefully return from IR to shore up the safety position. 
6. Cleveland Browns - Tavon Austin, WR (WVU) It's too bad there isn't a true Top 10 WR available (i.e. Julio Jones or AJ Green) because the glaring lack of playmakers on this offense is the biggest area of need. The defense proved it can hold its own when it needs to. New management stretches to fill the spot (Austin will probably run a 4.28).. and hopefully it works out.
7. Arizona Cardinals - Tyler Wilson, QB (ARK) - Three names that Larry Fitzgerald has nightmares about. Kolb, Skelton, Lindley.  IMO Wilson is a better prospect than Barkley...
8. Buffalo Bills - Damontre Moore, DE (TAMU) - I honestly don't know much about this guy, but what I do know, is that Mario Williams and the Bills DEF were both MIA in 2012. The Bills wait until the 2nd Round to draft a QB from their backyard (Ryan Nassib, Syracuse).
9. NY Jets - Keenan Allen, WR (CAL) - Sanchez has no one to throw the ball to. Here's a guy in the mold of TO who can get it done. Defense looks even better with Revis back from injury island. 
10. Tennessee Titans - Star Lotulelei, DT (Utah) - I saw this man child eat up the 4 & 5 star USC OL on national TV. I presume that he'll be able to do the same in the pros, that is, if he doesn't take plays off. Plays with a tremendous motor (and emotion) but conditioning might be the main issue at 350lbs. 
11. San Diego Chargers - Jake Matthews, OT (TAMU) - Red rover, red rover, send a friggin' offensive lineman right over. As an owner of Phillip Rivers, I constantly watched #17 running for his life and throwing off his ass.
12. Miami Dolphins - Xavier Rhodes, DB (FSU) - With Allen and Austin both off the board, I expect the Fins to fix a Swiss-cheese like secondary.
13. Tampa Bay Bucs - Manti Te'o, LB (ND) - I have no idea who Mason Foster is, but I know he's not very good. Bucs will need to address secondary in the next couple rounds. The Bucs personnel coordinator should follow up a solid 2012 draft with an equally solid 2013 draft.
14. Carolina Panthers - Barkevious Mingo, LB (LSU) - First of all, this guy sounds like he came off Key & Peele's All-Star game roster. Second of all, putting Mingo next to Kuechly is reminiscent of the Panthers' glory days with Dan Morgan and Will Witherspoon. 
15. New Orleans Saints - Johnathan Hankins, DT (OSU) - This is more or less a homer pick, but I think the Saints like defensive players from Ohio State (see: Malcolm Jenkins & Will Smith). 
16. St. Louis Rams - Taylor Lewan, OT (scUM) - I watched Lewan get pwned by Jadeveon Clowney on New Year's Day, but somehow this pick still make sense. Sam Bradford should be a happy camper this summer.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers - Johnathan Banks, DB (MissSt) - Steelers could take another offensive lineman or a linebacker here, but my guess is they'll try to clean up some of the mess in the back four first..
18. Dallas Cowboys - Chance Warmack, OG (Bama) - O-line or linebacker. I'm pretty sure this guy will be the next best player available. Jerry Jones might do (and will do) something stupid so I won't be surprised if he drafts Collin Klein.
19. NY Giants - Khaseem Green, OLB (Rutgers) - I hear the Giants need a new linebacker.... Defense looked like a shell of itself in 2012.
20. Chicago Bears - Eric Fisher, OT (Central Michigan) - see SD Chargers above. Jay Cutler needs someone to protect him from Suh.
21. Baltimore Ravens (trade from STL) - Eric Reid, SS (LSU) - We all know how important Ed Reed is to the Baltimore defense... Sounds too easy to just bring in another Reid, right?
22. Minnesota Vikings - Cordarrelle Patterson, WR (Tenn) - I've read three mock drafts that all have Patterson going to the Vikings. I'm going to play copy-cat here.
23. Cincinnati Bengals - Ezekiel Ansah, DE (BYU) - Mike Brown is a cheapskate who won't resign FA Michael Johnson even though he had a tremendous year. This kid is relentless.
24. Indianapolis Colts - Matt Elam, SS (UF) - if he can be the next Bob Sanders, sans injury bug, Pagano will have his leader in the secondary for years to come.
25. Seattle Seahawks - Sheldon Richardson, DT (Mizzou) - He goes here due to a major oversight on my part.. and the Seahawks DEF gets even better.
26. St. Louis Rams (trade from BAL)- Arthur Brown, LB (K-State) - This is the Rams 2nd pick in the first round... Brown would be a nice addition to go with Little Animal. 
27. Green Bay Packers - Barrett Jones, C (Bama) - It's time for Jeff Saturday to retire. Bye bye.
28. SF 49ers - Sharrif Floyd, DT (UF) - because the rich get richer. It's what happens. Not sure what other pieces the 49ers really need.
29. Houston Texans - Jonathan Cooper, OG (UNC) - I watched Arian Foster run great on one side of the ball and crappy on the other.. That only means one thing... 
30. NE Patriots - Robert Woods, WR (USC) - Bill B. is a draft day enigma or a 100-sided die... I'm going to say WR for fun. 
31. Denver Broncos - Jesse Williams, DT (Bama) - I know Elvis Dumervil.... and that's about it.
32. Atlanta Falcons - Kevin Minter, LB (LSU) - Akeem Dent plays MLB now and had 42 solo tackles on the year. That's pretty pathetic...

Dart throwing predictions...

Offensive Rook of the Year: Geno Smith

Defensive Rook of the Year: Barkevious Mingo

Monday. Gross.

I'm sure I'm one of several million people in America right now suffering from a Fantasy Football hangover or just woke up from sleeping with a Fantasy Football butterface. You're feeling an great level of regret and might even feel a little sick to your stomach. You wish you would have drafted better (+ 2 weeks ago), or you're lamenting the failure to start the right player. As a bonus, you probably thought that going with the no-brainer pick (New England) in a survivor league would be painless. Turns out, the no-brainer pick was a shot of bad tequila and everyone lost. You still have a bad taste in your mouth.  It's about this time that I say I'm not playing any sort of Fantasy Football next year. But inevitably I'll be back... Maybe my Wes Welker pick won't kill me in the end - it is after all, only week 2...

It's Time For Lessons

9-11. I don't have an amazing story to tell. I was fortunate to not lose a loved one from the horrific events of September 11, 2001. But I do sympathize with all who did as their lives were forever changed. It was about 8:50am and I was driving to work listening to 99.7 The Blitz. Instead of hearing Howard Stern talk about music, drugs or sex, I found myself listening to a news broadcast about a helicopter crashing into the Pentagon. About 10 minutes later, as I pulled into the Tuttle Crossing Mall parking lot, the commentary switched over to a panicked news reporter. A plane had just hit the World Trade Center. To me, the moments unfolded like a Steve Berry fictional novel and it wasn't until I saw the images on the TGIFriday's TV that I believed what I had heard. I was sent home from work that day because the mall closed for security reasons. I spent the rest of the day watching it all over and over again on TV. That's where I was 11 years ago.

Me Myself & I. While I'm fully confident that no one I know reads this unvisited blog, I'm glad I have a place to mine my thoughts and boggled ideas. The internet won't judge you (unless you allow comments) or poke fun at you for making a stupid face.

If You Can't Get Off The Tee. I need golf lessons. Again. With a private instructor. It's arguably the most frustrating game/activity/hobby I know, yet, I manage to be addicted to it even though I'm absolutely terrible. Yesterday was mostly a shit-show, hitting zero fairways and finding a way to lose 8 balls during a scramble. My long irons were akin to foul balls and grounders. On the bright side (which is what always brings me back, like a bad drug), my short game, save two shots, was actually impressive, even for my standards. The wedges were dialed in. One of these days I'll put it all back together like I did one time three years ago and shoot an 84 again.  

But I do enjoy the attire. I rock these. Admit it. You're jealous. I wish they came in red though... Urban Meyer would disapprove of the blue.

Bleeding Scarlet Profusely. ESPN All-Access and ESPN Training Camp were like delicious Iron Chef prepared appetizers for the 2012 Ohio State Football season. After two games against better-than-our-usual-cupcake opponents, I've seen flashes of greatness, and flashes of brains farting. The team is like the Master Chef contestant who absolutely kills it and scores an advantage for the next round, who then goes and burns their quiche or fails to season their steak. Like the vast majority of die-hard, and educated Buckeye fans, I'm still waiting for the defense to jell. The D-Line is good, but not the immovable dominating force that they've been hyped up to be. The linebacker crew looks lost at times, as if thinking too much, and reacting too little. I imagine a bubble thought to appear with the text "Run or pass? Man or Cover 3? RB, TE or shit, I'm the spy". The defensive backs are as talented and athletic group that I've been in the tOSU back four since the days of Gamble, Fox, Nickey and Doss. The problem is they don't have a field general to MAKE SURE there aren't wildly missed assignments that go for big plays. 

My take on the offense is simple. Braxton Miller. His decision-making (and health) is going to make or break this team. Here's to hoping that Urbs and Hinton get him mentally right before the Big10 season kicks off.

End. I couldn't think of a creative way to conclude this entry. 

In Review: My NFL Draft - Way Too Early Predictions

But hell, I'll probably STILL do better than Toad McShay or those clowns at SI.com....

• Cam Newton will be a bust in the NFL, a la Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, and Akili Smith. One-year, one-hit wonder out of a wacky college offense.
• Cameron Heyward will be a steal in the draft and will get drafted by a Super Bowl contender.
• Jake Locker or Andy Dalton will win a Super Bowl in the next five years.
• Next Year's Offensive Rookie POY will be..... Mark Ingram.
• Next Year's Defensive Rookie POY will be..... Patrick Peterson.

I think I went 1/4, with one prediction still alive. 

• Wrong - So far, Newton has proved me completely wrong. I suppose the difference is the fact that Newton had a good coach behind him and mind-blowing running ability.
• Right - Heyward is starting as a 2nd-year pro and the Steelers are Super Bowl contenders every year.
• Pending - Dalton has a chance. Locker does not.
• Wrong - This one goes to Cam "Pockets full of gold figs" Newton
• Wrong - Although P2 would have finished 3rd... Von Miller ran amuck and won this one.

NFL Draft - Way Too Early Predictions

But hell, I'll probably STILL do better than Toad McShay or those clowns at SI.com....

• Cam Newton will be a bust in the NFL, a la Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, and Akili Smith. One-year, one-hit wonder out of a wacky college offense.
• Cameron Heyward will be a steal in the draft and will get drafted by a Super Bowl contender.
• Jake Locker or Andy Dalton will win a Super Bowl in the next five years.
• Next Year's Offensive Rookie POY will be..... Mark Ingram.
• Next Year's Defensive Rookie POY will be..... Patrick Peterson.

Okthxbye.

2011 NFL Mock Draft

First post in forever... and apparently Blogger doesn't support tables...

2011 NFL Mock Draft - Round One

Round 1	Player	Pos	School
1. Carolina (2-14)	Nick Fairley	DT	AUB
2. Denver (4-12)	Patrick Peterson	CB	LSU
3. Buffalo (4-12)	TRADE	x	x
trade to Cleveland	AJ Green	WR	UGA
4. Cincinnati (4-12)	Da'Quan Bowers	DE	CLEM
5. Arizona (5-11)	Blaine Gabbert	QB	MIZZOU
6. Cleveland (5-11)	TRADE	x	x
trade to Buffalo (+3rd Rd Pick)	Marcell Dareus	DL	BAMA
7. San Francisco (6-10)	Ryan Mallett	QB	ARK
8. Tennessee (6-10)	Von Miller	LB	TAMU
9. Dallas (6-10)	Prince Amukamara	CB	NEB
10. Washington (6-10)	Robert Quinn	DE	UNC
11. Houston (6-10)	Aldon Smith	LB	MIZZOU
12. Minnesota (6-10)	Cam Newton	QB	AUB
13. Detroit (6-10)	Derek Sherrod	OT	MSU
14. St. Louis (7-9)	Julio Jones	WR	BAMA
15. Miami (7-9)	Mark Ingram	RB	BAMA
16. Jacksonville (8-8)	Brandon Harris	CB	UM
17. New England (8-8)	Ryan Kerrigan	DE	PUR
18. San Diego (9-7)	Akeem Ayers	LB	UCLA
19. New York Giants (10-6)	Stephen Paea	DT	ORST
20. Tampa Bay (10-6)	Adrian Clayborn	DE	IOWA
21. Kansas City* (10-6)	Anthony Castonzo	OT	BC
22. Indianapolis* (10-6)	Nate Solder	OT	CU
23. Philadelphia* (10-6)	Gabe Carimi	OT	WIS
24. New Orleans* (11-5)	Aaron Williams	CB	TEX
25. Seattle* (7-9)	JJ Watt	DE	WIS
26. Baltimore* (12-4)	Jonathon Baldwin	WR	PIT
27. Atlanta* (13-3)	Jimmy Smith	CB	CU
28. New England* (14-2)	Martez Wilson	LB	ILL
29. Chicago* (11-5)	Quinton Carter	FS	OKLA
30. New York Jets* (11-5)	Corey Liuget	DT	ILL
31. Pittsburgh* (12-4)	Mike Pouncey	OG	FLA
32. Green Bay* (10-6)	Rodney Hudson	OG	FSU

January 19, 2009 - Mock Draft II

The players haven't run the overrated 40 yard dash. Heck, the BS (er, BCS) Championship Game hasn't been played and a slew of juniors haven't officially declared yet, but rather than rant and comment on other terrible mock drafts (see Todd McShay, aka Toad McShortdick), I'm going to throw a few darts and offer up my own mock.

1. St. Louis - Ndamukong Suh (DT, Nebraska) - Consensus #1 who will benefit from the likes of Chris Long and fellow former Cornhusker Adam Carriker. I don't mind that it's going to help Laurinaitus improve as well.
   
2. Detroit - Eric Berry (S, Tennessee) - What is the fascination with Gerald McCoy? I don't get it. Berry will perform well at the combine and go #2 overall. Game changers like Ed Reed, Troy Polamalu and Bob Sanders are few and far between. Berry fits the bill.
   
3. Tampa Bay - Dez Bryant (WR, Okie State) - It's not inconceivable that the Bucs will trade up to get Berry, but assuming Berry is off the board, Bryant fills a needs to run opposite (or in place of) the oft-injured Antonio Bryant. You want Freeman to continue to improve, right?
   
4. Washington - Russell Okung (OT, Okie State) - The offensive line is old and offensive. Your QB can succeed if he's not always on his back. He replaces the recently retired, Leonard Davis.
   
5. Kansas City - Gerald McCoy (DT, Oklahoma) - I was torn between a DT and a CB, but when it came down to it, McCoy was the answer considering the 3-4 scheme and follows suit with the other two DLs that KC has drafted over the past two seasons.
   
6. Seattle - Jimmy Clausen (QB, Notre Dame) - Goodbye Hasselbeck.
7. Cleveland - Rolando McClain (LB, Alabama) - A big name LB to add to a mostly no-name LB group. Trusnik? Really?
   
8. Oakland - CJ Spiller (RB, Clemson) - The logic here: Al Davis drafts the fastest player in the draft. Any other player would make too much sense.
   
9. Buffalo - Anthony Davis (OT, Rutgers) - The Bills need help up front. The talking-heads that say the Bills need a CB should note that the Bills had a strong pass-defense this year with their current roster. Not to mention, they'll get McKelvin and McGee back from IR.
   
10. Jacksonville -Joe Haden (CB, Florida) - When you play Indy and Houston twice a year, you need more than one shut-down corner.
    
11. Denver - Brian Price (DT, UCLA) - help for a defense that got run the fugg over by the KC Chiefs. How embarrassing.
    
12. Miami - Derrick Morgan (DE, Georgia Tech) - Not sure which DE they pick, but I'm confident they'll be looking to replace Jason Taylor.
    
13. San Francisco - Taylor Mays (S, USC) - I'm not 100% sure how this fits, but to me, it just works.
14. Seattle - Brandon Spikes (LB, Florida) - It's only fair that the defense gets a new QB as well.
    
15. NYGiants - Dan Williams (DT, Tennesse) - Could I see the G-men selecting a LB instead? Absolutely.
    
16. Tennessee - Brandon Graham (DE, Michigan) - A player who will help generate a pass-rush in a division where it's a necessity.
    
17. San Francisco - Terrance Cody (DT, Alabama) - A massive DT who will benefit from Singletary's tutlage.
    
18. Pittsburgh - Patrick Robinson (DB, Florida State) - Based on feedback from Steelers fans, this pick should be a DB...
    
19. Atlanta - Ricky Sapp (LB, Clemson) - I can't name ONE Atlanta LB... Can you?
    
20. Houston - Golden Tate (WR, Notre Dame) - This is a shot in the dark, but it would immediately make Houston one of the most feared offenses in the AFC.
    
21. Cincinnati - Mardy Gilyard (WR, Cincinnati) - The Bengals keep this flash in a pan in Ocho Cinco's neighborhood. The Bengals will not, I repeat, not draft a TE in the first round.
    
22. New England - Navarro Bowman (LB, Penn State) - The Pats pick a LB... but which one? Maybe Sergio Kindle? Sean Witherspoon?
23. Green Bay - Jon Asamoah (OG, Illinois) - A boring but solid choice due to needs.
    
24. Philadelphia - Carlos Dunlap (DE, Florida) - Could also line up at DT and is a steal at 24.
25. Baltimore - Arrelious Benn (WR, Illinois) - WR has been a need for years... 2010 is no different. If he's here, the Ravens will take him.
    
26. Arizona - Jerry Hughes (DE, TCU) - Some other publication said he's a good fit for 3-4... which is what they run in AZ.
27. San Diego - Sergio Kindle (LB, Texas) - personally, I think Merriman will be escorted from SD in the near future.
28. Dallas -Bruce Campbell (OT, Maryland) - stole this from another publication. Cowboys seem to be pretty decent at all other positions.
    
29. NYJets - Jason Pierre-Paul (DE, South Florida) - Another toy for Rex Ryan to play with on defense.
    
30. Minnesota - Earl Thomas (CB, Texas) - Antoine is getting a little old...
31. New Orleans - Kyle Wilson (CB, Boise State) - whoever thinks NO needs another WR is smoking crack. Or doing qualudes.
    
32. Indianapolis - Daryl Washington (LB, TCU) - regardless of position, this will be a defensive pick...

**Editor's Note: This could be the first year since 2005 that a Buckeye isn't drafted in the First Round...

Bakers shoes defined, according to Layne...

You don’t know bakers? They are like the Ferrari of shoes, no scratch that if Ferrari and Lamborghini had a baby and it was a shoe that would be the baker shoe. If you went to a jewelry store and you saw a Rolex watch that would be the equivalent to going into a shoe store and seeing bakers.

Bakers are like the Argentinean filet of the steak world. The Bellagio of the Vegas world. The Steelers combined with the patriots of the football world. The 2003 Yankees and the 2008 red socks of the baseball world. The Michael Jordan and Lebron James of the basketball world. The gouda cheese of the cheese world.

They are the Merrill Lynch, Nationwide, PwC of the corporate world. The Nike of the non-dress shoe world. The Wal-Mart of the retail world. The blue whale of the whale world, the great white of the shark world. The iPhone of the cell phone world. It’s like Paris of the fashion world. The Edward of the Liu world. The Nolan Ryan of the pitching world, the Robert Horry of the big shot world.

They are the Tiger of the golf world, the Roger Federer of the tennis world, the taco Doritos of the Doritos world. The wondering spider of the poisonous spider world. The blue cotton candy in the cotton candy world. They are the Bill Gates of the CEO world, the Warren Buffet of the finance world. It would be like if Prada and coach handbags had a baby and it was infinitely times cooler than its parents.

My Buckeye Wish List

I know it's May... and the Ohio State football season doesn't officially start for another 3+ months, but I have conjured up an early wish list based on the Spring Game (glorified practice) and other blogs that I've stumbled upon recently... I recall writing up a similar post prior to last season, so hopefully this doesn't sound too repetitive.. Without further ado, my Buckeye wish-list!

• The 3-4 Defense: let's call up Dick LeBeau and figure out how to use the 3-4 in every situation... even against those pansy, bitchassness teams that send 5-WR on the field for every play.. I'm talking about YOU Pur-don't. We know we're not rock solid at the corner position, so why not throw down with four, mean, nasty LBs... Some beautiful combination of Spitler, Homan, Moeller, Sabino, Rolle, and Hines... It would be kisstastic to see Heyward, Gibson and Wilson on the line... Too bad we don't have a monster DT...
• Pryor Unleashed: why Tressel seemingly wants to contain a rabid dog is disturbing... but what do I know? I'm not the one making millions of dollars here. Pryor is an animal waiting for its first meal (*waving* Hi, Navy!). Apparently he showed much improved accuracy during the Spring Game... and all this talk about arm strength is overrated.. He had arm-strength before he got to college, he just didn't have CONFIDENCE in throwing the ball. A greater understanding of the offense will promote his success this season, whereby last season, he was just trying to manage games... Another year in the weight room and he might look like Bron-Bron on the football field...
  
• DeVier Posey mutates into David Boston II: he's got the size and speed to burn... Now he just needs to pull a Julio Jones/AJ Green impersonation with numero ocho on his back and turn in a monster season... Deep threats stretch the field... Robo and Hartline were not deep threats.
• Healthy AA, Andre Amos: a full, healthy, productive season from AA... Kid was a stud coming out of HS... I'd like for him to be able to leave OSU as an NFL prospect and a strong senior year ala Antonio Smith.
• Depants USCum: We've got scUM and USCum... I watched helplessly as our beloved Buckeyes were embarrased by Dirty Sanchez... Here's to TP returning the favor. Yes Taylor Mays, he's bigger than you.
  

Re: Buckeye Draft Projections

Projections (from March 4) and where they actually went in RED over the weekend. I should be a Draftnik. Kiper & McShay, eat your heart out!

• Malcolm Jenkins (CB) - First Round. Top 15 overall. - CORRECT! Round 1, #14 to the Saints. I think this is where he "should have" gone... If the Saints didn't get him at 14, my guess is that the Texans would have picked him off at 15. I wonder if Madden 2010 will have Jenkins listed as an FS...
  
• Chris "Beanie" Wells (RB) - First Round. Late pick, somewhere between Picks 20 and 32. - CORRECT! Round 1, #30 to the Cardinals. Ken Wisenhunt now has a viable RB to go with the aerial attack of Fitzgerald and Boldin... If he stays healthy, Beanie is going to have a monster year. I can't remember the last time the Cardinals had a real RB.
  
• James Laurinaitis (LB) - Second Round. Early in the round, somewhere between Picks 33 and 50. - CORRECT! Round 2, #35 overall to the Rams. I would have preferred to see Little Animal in a team that I'm more likely to follow, but he should have no problem securing a starting spot with the Rams.
  
• Brian Robiskie (WR) - Second/Third Round. - CORRECT! Round 2, #36 overall to the Browns. Good for Robo! He should have no problem becoming the possession WR that the Browns had with a healthy Joe Jurevicius.
  
• Marcus Freeman (LB) - Second/Third Round. - WRONG! Round 5, #152 overall to 'da Bears. I'm not sure why he fell this far on everyone's boards... But he landed with a great team that will probably have a monster 2009-2010 campaign with Cutler at the reigns.
  
• Brian Hartline (WR) - Fourth/Fifth Round. - CORRECT! Round 4, # 108 overall to the Fins. With all the rumors surrounding Hartline as a locker-room virus, I was glad to see him find a home with a team that's heading in the right direction... Hopefully he works his tail off and secures himself some playing time next to TGII.
  
• Donald Washington (CB) - Fifth/Sixth Round. - WRONG! WIZZUH???? Round 4, #102 overall to the Chiefs. All of the Chiefs' picks are mind-boggling and this one was no exception.
  
• Nader Abdallah (DT) - Seventh Round. - WRONG! Undrafted... I'd like to see him get a shot with his hometown Saints...

I'm looking forward to drafting a Buckeye-laden team on this year's version of Madden...! Go Bucks!

The XNFL Criminals

With the NFL Draft upon us, I thought it would be fun to fill a roster of misfits... This team COULD be good...

QB - Michael "Dog Fighting" Vick
RB - Maurice "Shotgun & Vodka" Clarett
RB - Cedric "Drinking & Boating" Benson
RB - Onterrio "Whizzinator" Smith
RB - OJ "I Didn't Do it" Simpson
WR - Rae "Murder Inc." Carruth
WR - Plaxico "9mm" Burress
WR - Chris "18 is too old" Henry
WR - Matt "Coke-Man" Jones
TE - Mark " " Chumra
OL - Eric "Drinking & Boating" Steinbach
OL - Ross "Bad Checks" Verba
OL - Barrett "Bipolar" Robbins
OL - Bryant "Love Boat" McKinnie


DT - Tank "I love guns" Johnson
DE - Leonard "Kill you with my car" Little
LB - Odell "Must Drink and Drive" Thurmann
LB - Rob "Wife-beater Extraordinaire" Reynolds
LB - Steve "BAC 0.233" Foley
LB - AJ "Rap Sheet" Nicholson
CB - Adam "Pacman needs a Posse" Jones
CB - Darryl "41 years in Orange" Henley

... This team wouldn't be complete without the official Cincinnati Bengals team jerseys.... Orange and stripes!

Buckeye Draft Prospect Projections

Piggybacking my previous post... My projections for where this class of Ohio State Buckeyes will go in the draft:

• Malcolm Jenkins (CB) - First Round. Top 15 overall.
• Chris "Beanie" Wells (RB) - First Round. Late pick, somewhere between Picks 20 and 32.
• James Laurinaitis (LB) - Second Round. Early in the round, somewhere between Picks 33 and 50.
• Brian Robiskie (WR) - Second/Third Round. 
• Marcus Freeman (LB) - Second/Third Round.
• Brian Hartline (WR) - Fourth/Fifth Round.
• Donald Washington (CB) - Fifth/Sixth Round.
• Nader Abdallah (DT) - Seventh Round.

Undrafted FAs: Boone, Boeckman, Person, Rehring, Terry, Maurice Wells, and Nicol.

Todd McShay, eat a dick.

YWRN NFL Mock Draft v.2

Round 2. Before I get onto the actual mock draft, let me just say loud and clear that TODD MCSHAY IS A FUCKING MORON! I don't get paid by ESPN, but I bet I'll have a higher hit ratio on my mock draft.

1. Detroit Losers - Matt Stafford (QB - UGA) Previous pick: Stafford

I'm still not at high on this guy as plenty of other draftniks claim to be, but aside from taking a huge gamble to try and pick up Sanchez later in the 1st, ala Brady Quinn, this is the smart, frugal pick... even though there will be nothing frugal about the contract...

2. St. Louis Rams - Jason Smith (OT - Baylor) Previous pick: Crabtree

There is strong correlation between a good O-lineman and a successful offense. With Orlando "Pancake" Pace's lingering injuries, it is imperative that this void, literally, is filled with a solid OT. He can only help Steven Jackson... 

3. Kansas Shitty Chiefs - Andre Smith (OT - Alabama) Previous pick: Dirty Sanchez

Well, trading for Matt Cassel solved their QB question in one fell swoop... And somehow they got Mike Vrabel and only had to give up a 2nd Round pick to get them BOTH... It was a shady deal to me. Once again, logic pits this OT into this spot.

4. Seattle Seahawks - Eugene Monroe (OT - Virginia) Previous pick: Dr. 'Dre Smith

Hello T.J. WhosYourMama. Good-bye Michael Achilles Crabtree.

5. Cleveland Brownies - Aaron Curry (LB - Wake Forest) Previous pick: Slow-Poke Moreno

The run on offensive linemen finally comes to a halt. The best player available goes to one of the worst franchises ever.

6. Cincinnati Bungals - Michael Oher (OT - Ole Miss) Previous pick: Monroe

My previous comment about only drafting O-Line and WRs remains the same. TJ is gone... and you're left with a fleet of thugs at wideout...

7. Oakland Al Davis Killed the Raiders - Michael Crabtree (WR - Texas Tech) Previous Pick: Curry

Al Davis doesn't even need to trade up to make a bad decision. WR isn't a glaring hole - the O-Line is. It's a sweet Madden offense though: McFadden, Crabtree and that fat guy.

8. J-ville Jaguars - BJ Raji (NT - Boston College) Previous Pick: Oher

Running back and defense back are needs, but I don't think you can pass on this guy. He's the second coming of Albert Haynesworth.

9. Green Bay Packers - Malcolm Jenkins (CB - The Ohio State University) Previous Pick: Raji

I think Jenkins runs better at the Ohio State pro-day and solidifies himself as a top 10 pick. 

10. San Francisco Gold-Digging 49ers - Brian Cushing (LB - USC) Previous Pick: Maualuga

Niners take the other in-state kid to pair up with Patrick Pro-Bowl Willis in the 3-4. Two reasons: 1) copy cat Super Bowl Sixburgh Steelers; 2) copy cat Super Bowl Sixburgh Steelers. He had a tremendous Combine and could be plenty disruptive at OLB. No QB here as Warner gets signed... somehow...

11. Buffalo Billy Bob Thornton Bills - Vontae Davis (CB - Illinois) Previous Pick: Smith

Davis had a good Combine which should increase his appeal. The lack of CB depth/quality in this class makes this an early value pick.

12. Denver has Hot Cheerleaders Broncos - Brian Orapko (DE/OLB - Texas) Previous pick: E. Brown

If Denver really is going to shift to a 3-4 like half of the NFL, a versatile DE is a big need. 

13. Washington Redskins - Eben Britton (OT - Arizona) Previous Pick: Peria Jerry

The signing of Albert Haynesworth significantly changes the landscape of this pick... Britton is the last quality OT on the board... I certainly wouldn't pick Alex Buffoon Boone...!

14. New Orleans Saints - Rey Maualuga (LB - USC) Previous Pick: Jenkins

Under the simple assumption that the Saints can't resign Vilma.

15. Houston Texans - Jeremy Maclin (WR - Mizzou) Previous Pick: Orapko

My last mock had a DE, but they just signed one via free agency. A solid #2 WR to complement Andre Johnson means a field day for the Houston offense... Now that just sounds strange.

16. San Diego Super Jacko Chargers - Chris Wells (RB - The Ohio State University) Previous Pick: Cushing

It's no surprise that there's all kinds of questions surrounding LT... Sproles isn't an everydown back, but then again, neither is Beanie Wells. 

17. New York J-E-T-S Jets - Mark Sanchez (QB - USC) Previous Pick: Laurinaitis 

I've seen stranger picks out of New York.... but the departure of Favre and a skinny FA market makes some sense out of this pick..

18. Chicago Da Bears - Percy Harvin (WR - Florida) Previous Pick: Maclin

If Devin Hester if your best WR... you're not going to make the play-offs.

19. Tampa Hosted the Super Bowl Buccaneers - Josh Freeman (QB - KSU)

In addition to being home of Super Bowl 43 and the highest per capita of strip clubs, it's also home to a new stable of coaches. This pick will be as surprising as the firing of Gruden and the defection of Coach Kiffin. Freeman is a younger, darker, taller, bigger, straighter, faster, right-handed version of Jeff Garcia. This obviously changes if they somehow trade for Cutler.

20. Detroit Losers (II) - Alex Mack (C - Cal)

You could insert any of the top 10 linemen at this spot and Detroit will pick one of them.

21. Philly Steak  Sub Eagles - Knowshon Moreno (RB - Georgia) Previous Pick: Beanie Wells

I could see Philly trading this pick to, say, Arizona for Anquan Boldin? Moreno's 40-time was atrocious. 

22. Minnesota Vikings - Louis Delmas (S - Western Michigan) Previous Pick: Davis

Delmas has been climbing draft boards and safety is a position of great need. Round 2/3/4 is where they address the dire QB situation in hopes of bandaging the situation until 2010. Graham Harrell in purple anyone? I know he can hand-off to AP All Day as well as I can...

23. New England Com Patriots - Aaron Maybin (DE/OLB - PSU)

The most logical pick for Coach Sweatshirt. Fits the system like a glove.

24. Atlanta Matt Ryan Falcons - Tyson Jackson (DE - LSU)

I have a feeling the 2009 draft will be very defense-oriented for the Falcons who have a wall-oiled machine on the other side of the ball.

25.  Miami has Sexy Cheerleaders Dolphins - Everett Brown (DE - FSU) Previous Pick: Delmas

Parcells likes his DE's big and fast, like OLBs. See Demarcus Ware.

26. Baltimore Cry Me a River Ravens - DJ Moore (CB - Vanderbilt)

Chris McAlister and Samari Rolle are barely worth fantasy drafting on Madden 2009... Not to mention Corey Ivy is clearly not good enough to be a #1 on that defense. (see: Corey Ivy gets pwned by Holmes & Sweed). Remember, this team gets Dawan Landry back from injury in '09.

27. Indianapolis Colts - Peria Jerry (DT - Ole Miss) Previousl Pick: Marks (DT - Auburn)

I had a hard time with this one, but I think it's the biggest hole they need to fill. WR's to replace Harrison abound in Rounds 2 & 3. 

28. Philly Steak  Sub Eagles (II) - Max Unger (C - Oregon) Previous Pick: Britton

Don't know who this guy is, but he had a sick Combine and Philly needs help on the O-line.

29. New York Giants - Darrius Heyward-Bey (WR - Maryland) Previous Pick: Nicks (WR - UNC)

A true deep threat with blazing speed. A complement to all those possession guys they've got.

30. Tennessee Titans - Brandon Pettigrew (TE - Okie State)

Who's that washed up tight-end that fumbled the ball in a playoff game? Yeah.. Enough said.

31. Arizona Cardinals - LeSean McCoy (RB - Pittsburgh)

How ironic it would be for the Cardinals to draft a RB from the city that just beat them in the Super Bowl...

32. Sixburgh Steelers - William Beatty (OT - UConn)

If Sixburgh drafts ANYONE that's not an offensive lineman, they will earn a draft grade of FAIL.

End Round One.

Special Note - Former Buckeye Alex Baffoon Boone will not be drafted in this year's draft for alcohol-related issues. At least wait until AFTER you're drafted to consume an entire keg of beer... Maybe he'll be drinking during his Wonderlic testing...