Monday. Gross.

I'm sure I'm one of several million people in America right now suffering from a Fantasy Football hangover or just woke up from sleeping with a Fantasy Football butterface. You're feeling an great level of regret and might even feel a little sick to your stomach. You wish you would have drafted better (+ 2 weeks ago), or you're lamenting the failure to start the right player. As a bonus, you probably thought that going with the no-brainer pick (New England) in a survivor league would be painless. Turns out, the no-brainer pick was a shot of bad tequila and everyone lost. You still have a bad taste in your mouth.  It's about this time that I say I'm not playing any sort of Fantasy Football next year. But inevitably I'll be back... Maybe my Wes Welker pick won't kill me in the end - it is after all, only week 2...

It's Time For Lessons

9-11. I don't have an amazing story to tell. I was fortunate to not lose a loved one from the horrific events of September 11, 2001. But I do sympathize with all who did as their lives were forever changed. It was about 8:50am and I was driving to work listening to 99.7 The Blitz. Instead of hearing Howard Stern talk about music, drugs or sex, I found myself listening to a news broadcast about a helicopter crashing into the Pentagon. About 10 minutes later, as I pulled into the Tuttle Crossing Mall parking lot, the commentary switched over to a panicked news reporter. A plane had just hit the World Trade Center. To me, the moments unfolded like a Steve Berry fictional novel and it wasn't until I saw the images on the TGIFriday's TV that I believed what I had heard. I was sent home from work that day because the mall closed for security reasons. I spent the rest of the day watching it all over and over again on TV. That's where I was 11 years ago.

Me Myself & I. While I'm fully confident that no one I know reads this unvisited blog, I'm glad I have a place to mine my thoughts and boggled ideas. The internet won't judge you (unless you allow comments) or poke fun at you for making a stupid face.

If You Can't Get Off The Tee. I need golf lessons. Again. With a private instructor. It's arguably the most frustrating game/activity/hobby I know, yet, I manage to be addicted to it even though I'm absolutely terrible. Yesterday was mostly a shit-show, hitting zero fairways and finding a way to lose 8 balls during a scramble. My long irons were akin to foul balls and grounders. On the bright side (which is what always brings me back, like a bad drug), my short game, save two shots, was actually impressive, even for my standards. The wedges were dialed in. One of these days I'll put it all back together like I did one time three years ago and shoot an 84 again.  

But I do enjoy the attire. I rock these. Admit it. You're jealous. I wish they came in red though... Urban Meyer would disapprove of the blue.

Bleeding Scarlet Profusely. ESPN All-Access and ESPN Training Camp were like delicious Iron Chef prepared appetizers for the 2012 Ohio State Football season. After two games against better-than-our-usual-cupcake opponents, I've seen flashes of greatness, and flashes of brains farting. The team is like the Master Chef contestant who absolutely kills it and scores an advantage for the next round, who then goes and burns their quiche or fails to season their steak. Like the vast majority of die-hard, and educated Buckeye fans, I'm still waiting for the defense to jell. The D-Line is good, but not the immovable dominating force that they've been hyped up to be. The linebacker crew looks lost at times, as if thinking too much, and reacting too little. I imagine a bubble thought to appear with the text "Run or pass? Man or Cover 3? RB, TE or shit, I'm the spy". The defensive backs are as talented and athletic group that I've been in the tOSU back four since the days of Gamble, Fox, Nickey and Doss. The problem is they don't have a field general to MAKE SURE there aren't wildly missed assignments that go for big plays. 

My take on the offense is simple. Braxton Miller. His decision-making (and health) is going to make or break this team. Here's to hoping that Urbs and Hinton get him mentally right before the Big10 season kicks off.

End. I couldn't think of a creative way to conclude this entry. 

In Review: My NFL Draft - Way Too Early Predictions

But hell, I'll probably STILL do better than Toad McShay or those clowns at SI.com....

• Cam Newton will be a bust in the NFL, a la Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, and Akili Smith. One-year, one-hit wonder out of a wacky college offense.
• Cameron Heyward will be a steal in the draft and will get drafted by a Super Bowl contender.
• Jake Locker or Andy Dalton will win a Super Bowl in the next five years.
• Next Year's Offensive Rookie POY will be..... Mark Ingram.
• Next Year's Defensive Rookie POY will be..... Patrick Peterson.

I think I went 1/4, with one prediction still alive. 

• Wrong - So far, Newton has proved me completely wrong. I suppose the difference is the fact that Newton had a good coach behind him and mind-blowing running ability.
• Right - Heyward is starting as a 2nd-year pro and the Steelers are Super Bowl contenders every year.
• Pending - Dalton has a chance. Locker does not.
• Wrong - This one goes to Cam "Pockets full of gold figs" Newton
• Wrong - Although P2 would have finished 3rd... Von Miller ran amuck and won this one.

NFL Draft - Way Too Early Predictions

But hell, I'll probably STILL do better than Toad McShay or those clowns at SI.com....

• Cam Newton will be a bust in the NFL, a la Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, and Akili Smith. One-year, one-hit wonder out of a wacky college offense.
• Cameron Heyward will be a steal in the draft and will get drafted by a Super Bowl contender.
• Jake Locker or Andy Dalton will win a Super Bowl in the next five years.
• Next Year's Offensive Rookie POY will be..... Mark Ingram.
• Next Year's Defensive Rookie POY will be..... Patrick Peterson.

Okthxbye.

2011 NFL Mock Draft

First post in forever... and apparently Blogger doesn't support tables...

2011 NFL Mock Draft - Round One

Round 1	Player	Pos	School
1. Carolina (2-14)	Nick Fairley	DT	AUB
2. Denver (4-12)	Patrick Peterson	CB	LSU
3. Buffalo (4-12)	TRADE	x	x
trade to Cleveland	AJ Green	WR	UGA
4. Cincinnati (4-12)	Da'Quan Bowers	DE	CLEM
5. Arizona (5-11)	Blaine Gabbert	QB	MIZZOU
6. Cleveland (5-11)	TRADE	x	x
trade to Buffalo (+3rd Rd Pick)	Marcell Dareus	DL	BAMA
7. San Francisco (6-10)	Ryan Mallett	QB	ARK
8. Tennessee (6-10)	Von Miller	LB	TAMU
9. Dallas (6-10)	Prince Amukamara	CB	NEB
10. Washington (6-10)	Robert Quinn	DE	UNC
11. Houston (6-10)	Aldon Smith	LB	MIZZOU
12. Minnesota (6-10)	Cam Newton	QB	AUB
13. Detroit (6-10)	Derek Sherrod	OT	MSU
14. St. Louis (7-9)	Julio Jones	WR	BAMA
15. Miami (7-9)	Mark Ingram	RB	BAMA
16. Jacksonville (8-8)	Brandon Harris	CB	UM
17. New England (8-8)	Ryan Kerrigan	DE	PUR
18. San Diego (9-7)	Akeem Ayers	LB	UCLA
19. New York Giants (10-6)	Stephen Paea	DT	ORST
20. Tampa Bay (10-6)	Adrian Clayborn	DE	IOWA
21. Kansas City* (10-6)	Anthony Castonzo	OT	BC
22. Indianapolis* (10-6)	Nate Solder	OT	CU
23. Philadelphia* (10-6)	Gabe Carimi	OT	WIS
24. New Orleans* (11-5)	Aaron Williams	CB	TEX
25. Seattle* (7-9)	JJ Watt	DE	WIS
26. Baltimore* (12-4)	Jonathon Baldwin	WR	PIT
27. Atlanta* (13-3)	Jimmy Smith	CB	CU
28. New England* (14-2)	Martez Wilson	LB	ILL
29. Chicago* (11-5)	Quinton Carter	FS	OKLA
30. New York Jets* (11-5)	Corey Liuget	DT	ILL
31. Pittsburgh* (12-4)	Mike Pouncey	OG	FLA
32. Green Bay* (10-6)	Rodney Hudson	OG	FSU

January 19, 2009 - Mock Draft II

The players haven't run the overrated 40 yard dash. Heck, the BS (er, BCS) Championship Game hasn't been played and a slew of juniors haven't officially declared yet, but rather than rant and comment on other terrible mock drafts (see Todd McShay, aka Toad McShortdick), I'm going to throw a few darts and offer up my own mock.

1. St. Louis - Ndamukong Suh (DT, Nebraska) - Consensus #1 who will benefit from the likes of Chris Long and fellow former Cornhusker Adam Carriker. I don't mind that it's going to help Laurinaitus improve as well.
   
2. Detroit - Eric Berry (S, Tennessee) - What is the fascination with Gerald McCoy? I don't get it. Berry will perform well at the combine and go #2 overall. Game changers like Ed Reed, Troy Polamalu and Bob Sanders are few and far between. Berry fits the bill.
   
3. Tampa Bay - Dez Bryant (WR, Okie State) - It's not inconceivable that the Bucs will trade up to get Berry, but assuming Berry is off the board, Bryant fills a needs to run opposite (or in place of) the oft-injured Antonio Bryant. You want Freeman to continue to improve, right?
   
4. Washington - Russell Okung (OT, Okie State) - The offensive line is old and offensive. Your QB can succeed if he's not always on his back. He replaces the recently retired, Leonard Davis.
   
5. Kansas City - Gerald McCoy (DT, Oklahoma) - I was torn between a DT and a CB, but when it came down to it, McCoy was the answer considering the 3-4 scheme and follows suit with the other two DLs that KC has drafted over the past two seasons.
   
6. Seattle - Jimmy Clausen (QB, Notre Dame) - Goodbye Hasselbeck.
7. Cleveland - Rolando McClain (LB, Alabama) - A big name LB to add to a mostly no-name LB group. Trusnik? Really?
   
8. Oakland - CJ Spiller (RB, Clemson) - The logic here: Al Davis drafts the fastest player in the draft. Any other player would make too much sense.
   
9. Buffalo - Anthony Davis (OT, Rutgers) - The Bills need help up front. The talking-heads that say the Bills need a CB should note that the Bills had a strong pass-defense this year with their current roster. Not to mention, they'll get McKelvin and McGee back from IR.
   
10. Jacksonville -Joe Haden (CB, Florida) - When you play Indy and Houston twice a year, you need more than one shut-down corner.
    
11. Denver - Brian Price (DT, UCLA) - help for a defense that got run the fugg over by the KC Chiefs. How embarrassing.
    
12. Miami - Derrick Morgan (DE, Georgia Tech) - Not sure which DE they pick, but I'm confident they'll be looking to replace Jason Taylor.
    
13. San Francisco - Taylor Mays (S, USC) - I'm not 100% sure how this fits, but to me, it just works.
14. Seattle - Brandon Spikes (LB, Florida) - It's only fair that the defense gets a new QB as well.
    
15. NYGiants - Dan Williams (DT, Tennesse) - Could I see the G-men selecting a LB instead? Absolutely.
    
16. Tennessee - Brandon Graham (DE, Michigan) - A player who will help generate a pass-rush in a division where it's a necessity.
    
17. San Francisco - Terrance Cody (DT, Alabama) - A massive DT who will benefit from Singletary's tutlage.
    
18. Pittsburgh - Patrick Robinson (DB, Florida State) - Based on feedback from Steelers fans, this pick should be a DB...
    
19. Atlanta - Ricky Sapp (LB, Clemson) - I can't name ONE Atlanta LB... Can you?
    
20. Houston - Golden Tate (WR, Notre Dame) - This is a shot in the dark, but it would immediately make Houston one of the most feared offenses in the AFC.
    
21. Cincinnati - Mardy Gilyard (WR, Cincinnati) - The Bengals keep this flash in a pan in Ocho Cinco's neighborhood. The Bengals will not, I repeat, not draft a TE in the first round.
    
22. New England - Navarro Bowman (LB, Penn State) - The Pats pick a LB... but which one? Maybe Sergio Kindle? Sean Witherspoon?
23. Green Bay - Jon Asamoah (OG, Illinois) - A boring but solid choice due to needs.
    
24. Philadelphia - Carlos Dunlap (DE, Florida) - Could also line up at DT and is a steal at 24.
25. Baltimore - Arrelious Benn (WR, Illinois) - WR has been a need for years... 2010 is no different. If he's here, the Ravens will take him.
    
26. Arizona - Jerry Hughes (DE, TCU) - Some other publication said he's a good fit for 3-4... which is what they run in AZ.
27. San Diego - Sergio Kindle (LB, Texas) - personally, I think Merriman will be escorted from SD in the near future.
28. Dallas -Bruce Campbell (OT, Maryland) - stole this from another publication. Cowboys seem to be pretty decent at all other positions.
    
29. NYJets - Jason Pierre-Paul (DE, South Florida) - Another toy for Rex Ryan to play with on defense.
    
30. Minnesota - Earl Thomas (CB, Texas) - Antoine is getting a little old...
31. New Orleans - Kyle Wilson (CB, Boise State) - whoever thinks NO needs another WR is smoking crack. Or doing qualudes.
    
32. Indianapolis - Daryl Washington (LB, TCU) - regardless of position, this will be a defensive pick...

**Editor's Note: This could be the first year since 2005 that a Buckeye isn't drafted in the First Round...

Bakers shoes defined, according to Layne...

You don’t know bakers? They are like the Ferrari of shoes, no scratch that if Ferrari and Lamborghini had a baby and it was a shoe that would be the baker shoe. If you went to a jewelry store and you saw a Rolex watch that would be the equivalent to going into a shoe store and seeing bakers.

Bakers are like the Argentinean filet of the steak world. The Bellagio of the Vegas world. The Steelers combined with the patriots of the football world. The 2003 Yankees and the 2008 red socks of the baseball world. The Michael Jordan and Lebron James of the basketball world. The gouda cheese of the cheese world.

They are the Merrill Lynch, Nationwide, PwC of the corporate world. The Nike of the non-dress shoe world. The Wal-Mart of the retail world. The blue whale of the whale world, the great white of the shark world. The iPhone of the cell phone world. It’s like Paris of the fashion world. The Edward of the Liu world. The Nolan Ryan of the pitching world, the Robert Horry of the big shot world.

They are the Tiger of the golf world, the Roger Federer of the tennis world, the taco Doritos of the Doritos world. The wondering spider of the poisonous spider world. The blue cotton candy in the cotton candy world. They are the Bill Gates of the CEO world, the Warren Buffet of the finance world. It would be like if Prada and coach handbags had a baby and it was infinitely times cooler than its parents.